28.3.10

crushing.

It's called a "crush" for a reason... it hurts. The waiting game begins... each minute hacking at my self esteem. The constant questions of "What am I doing wrong?" & "Do I look okay?" branded into my subconcious thought.

It sucks being a girl! I feel like I've come so far from where I was in terms of being independent... but I've still got so much farther to go. I've found that aching, that longing, that infatuation I haven't felt in a very long time... I've actually met someone that I could possibly sort of like!! but what do you do when the feelings aren't mutual? When you're phone stops lighting up with his name and you feel REJECTED. It's like being handed a cupcake and you can't eat it!

Oh my GOSH. I'm THAT girl. The one who meets someone and thinks they are the most amazing thing and develops a creepy crush based on nothing. Somebody, slap me.

The only thing I can do is see the positive in this situation: it is but a taste of what is to come.
and to learn my lesson: go back and hit em up style. get your butt in the gym and fix your face.

17.3.10

I'm a mess, I guess

It's like a typical day in Organic Chemistry lab...

I'm about to perform oxidative coupling of alkenes. Every compound is carefully weighed and mixed. My set-up is perfect. I caulk all the joints of the glassware. Twice. When everything looks like it's perfect, I check again. & then ask for the professor's approval. Three times. So the moment begins, I start the system and allow the mixture to reflux (gently 'simmer') for the time alotted. This time, we got lucky. Roughly only about thirty minutes of watching something boil... I mean, "reflux". Much better than the days when I watch it for hours. The mixture is a clear seafoam green. We just have to wait for it to turn blue. Things are looking good! The pipette is just below the solutions surface and air bubbles are coming up. The magnetic stir bar is doing its job. The Copper Chloride catalyst has dissolved and the system is heating to reflux.

10 minutes.... 17 minutes..... gosh I really wish we had chairs in here ... 20 minutes... LOOK IT'S CHANGING COLOR! or is that my imagination?! ... 23 minutes... totally my imagination. still green. 27 minutes... why is ours the only one that isn't blue... 37 minutes... 45 minutes...

A Complete and Utter Disaster. That's what this experiment should be called. The mixture splashed up on the sides. Some of it is dark blue in spots, but most of it is a light green wet solid at the bottom of the round bottom flask. Not at all what it's supposed to look like.

That's what this life is-- an experiment. A series of guess and checks. Successes and failures. Mistakes, regrets, and no turning back. Sometimes no matter how careful the preparation, no matter how accurate the execution, the result is never quite right. But then again, what would be the point of experimenting if everything always turned out right? And isn't the anticipation and waiting for the "chemicals to react" worth it when it actually does come out with the right product?

Until then, there is only hope.

16.3.10

I'm a robot.

My life is so exciting... not.

I've currently been schooling/studying since 7:30 this morning. & counting. 12 hours and increasing... I wish I could sit here on my blogger and write about things that I feel. But guess what? I feel nothing. I don't have time to feel.

The irony is I'm spending all my time working on my knowledge but I am becoming more and more mindless. A copy.

What kind of person gets excited to sleep & end their day? What kind of person dreams of sitting and doing nothing instead of something?

This girl.

Save me, spring break! Come on sweet summertime...

14.3.10

Back to reality

5 Things I hate about coming back to College on Sundays:

  1. After having gone to church, gotten groceries, filling up with gas, and driving the 1.5 hours back to Thibodaux, the day is gone. Throw in 3 hours of Phi Mu meetings in the afternoon and that leaves ZERO time to work on my studies.
  2. The weekend feels extra short b.c in reality, I was only home for one full day.
  3. Climbing three flights of stairs to bring my belongings to my apartment.
  4. Hellloooooo ice age! One of my roomates insists on keeping the AC as below 70 as she can get away with.
  5. The odors... One of my roomates is French. French people cook weird things... with curry... which smells like a obese man after running a marathon after he's eaten garlic cloves. Also, burning sugar cane stinks. You wouldn't think that but it feels like you're walking around in a sewer.

5 Things I love about coming back to College:

  1. The fact that I have my own apartment. Hello privacy, I've missed you the last couple days!
  2. The drive. Miles and miles of open cane fields. They're especially beautiful right now... they've been burned down and yellow-flowered weeds have covered and replaced everything. I will never get used to coming up onto the Sunshine Bridge (the highest bridge ever I believe.) and seeing everything from so far up.
  3. The quiet. Sunday nights everybody withdraws to their rooms to catch up on everything.
  4. Phi Mu. I get so excited to go home and then when I get back I realize how much I've missed alll my buddies!! This especially includes Alyssa Puckett, best roomate and one BAMF.
  5. Blue box macaroni. By this time... I'm craving my daily dosage

13.3.10

home sweet home

10 Things I love about coming home for the weekend:
  1. Family & the fact that they have to love me.
  2. Home cooked meals... box macaroni will never compare.
  3. Soft toilet paper. Like wiping your butt with a piece of heaven... Puckett insists we buy Scott, definately not the best in toilet papers!
  4. The best shopping places. ever.
  5. Maggie Rose! My little doggy.
  6. Being able to do absolutely nothing.
  7. My bed- the first time I've slept the whole night through since, well since the last time I was home.
  8. Boiled peanuts from Frog's
  9. Taking a bath (our bathtub doesn't have a stopper in the apt so we always have to take showers)
  10. The cleanliness. I swear I could lick the floor and that'd be okay. No matter how many times I clean the apartment... somebody dirties it. Mom keeps our house spotless.

12.3.10

This week went by way too fast.
Have you ever felt like that? Like all you want is for time to slow down? We're alway rushing around. Deadlines, appointments, class schedules, meetings... our agendas are full and it doesn't matter if you're finally leaving because there's just somewhere else you are going. I HATE it.

Sparse are the moments I can sit and reflect.
In this precious moment I am able to finally put to words what it is that has been going on in my head lately...

FREEDOM.

I've always considered my relationship with God to be a private one... I don't talk about it and I don't like to argue my religion with anyone. I know, that's not really the way Christianity is supposed to work... but for me God is like the ultimate secret keeper and a precious gift. && that having religious arguments will complicate what is our only true source of simplicity in this mess of a life... for lack of a better way of explaining. As for tonight--- I'll share.

People always talk about being 'saved' and it was something I never understood. Usually their salvation came from some major ordeal that made them want to straighten out their life. Other people I know who were 'saved' went right on back to their former lifestyle soon after. While others, like my grandfather Dr. Michael Milton (by the way I totally recommend his new book Big Things, Small Things), were so engrossed in their faith that I was as envious as envious gets! I pleaded with God regularly to help me to find my faith and to bring the happiness I'd seen in so many others. I had gone astray, down a road leading to a dead end. I do not know when it happened. I cannot pinpoint the day or mark it with a tragic event. But now I know what being saved really is. It wasn't some sort of revelation that happened in an instant, but a seed planted the minute I decided to give my life over to God... the minute I asked for His help.

Matthew 7: 7-8 "Ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be open."

It is an awfully liberating feeling to have had a restoration of faith. After having decided to put God first in my life, it seems all worries have been depleted. Our life is fragile. It is but a stepping stone to the ultimate goal of everlasting life.

Anyways, I don't really know what point I was trying to make just now... I guess what I'm trying to say is that for the first time in a long while I am content more than I am not. The sky looks a little bluer, and simply waking up in the morning is something to celebrate.

So long, my stress. Goodbye, my worries!

9.3.10

The calm in the storm

It is often I must remind myself of Mary and Martha, & what in reality is important.

Luke 10:38-42

4.3.10

P-I-N-K there is no other way! Our bond is true, we love Phi Mu! Gooo Phi Mu!

Phi Mu never lingers all we do is shoot the finger: ONE! one, we're number 1! Go Phi Mu!


Today marks the 158th year of Phi Mu being founded. Phi Mu's three founders Mary Dupont Lines, Mary Myrick Daniel, and Martha Hardaway Redding built a sisterhood founded on Love, Honor, and Truth this day in the year 1852. Put aside your skepticism on Greek life & your stereotypes of sorority girls, our chapter (KH) at Nicholls is less an excuse to party and more what the three founders originally mapped it out to be. Originally I went through sorority recruitment to find something to do in a town where I knew not a single person. Instead I came out with something much more important: a family. I honestly do not know what I would do without Phi Mu! As a Phi Mu, I serve on the discipline committee, public relations committee, and I am the newly elected Recording Secretary. Besides that, Phi Mu has gotten me completely immersed in co-curriculars on campus. There are a certain number of philanthropy events each Phi Mu chapter must do a year, and the Kappa Eta chapter exceeds this amount. The next issue of the Aglaia (the Phi Mu magazine) will have a full story of all of our philanthropic achievements. It is a huge honor and will be the first time our chapter will have a feature story. Besides the national philanthropy all Phi Mu's donate to (Children's Miracle Network) , we also support and raise money for cystic fibrosis. Many years ago, a fatally ill new member had a section of the hospital in Thibodaux closed off just so she could be iniated, and today one of our own current sisters is fighting the disease. So helping this cause is especially close to our hearts!


Needless to say, I sure will have a lot of good things to put on my applications for Med school. But the greatest gift Phi Mu has given me is happines away from home.








3.3.10

what if?

Dear self:
He was good-looking. He was nice. He bought you nice pretty things. He let you pick out the movies almost EVERY time. He loved Jesus. He held your hand and kissed your head. He left you love notes, and he didn't care when you were too lazy to shave your legs. He even let you pick the music in the car... well most of the time. Most importantly he loved you. Why don't you love him back anymore? Where did the butterflies in your tummy go? What happened to the desire, the excitement, the longing go? Or does that disappear after a while no matter what...? What if love is simply being able to put up with each other? What if you just let go of the only person who will ever really care about you? What if you cannot find better? but what if you can. One thing is for sure: 'settling' is not in your vocabulary. He suck the life out of you. Your dreams were drowning under the weight of having to consider the wants/needs of another person. So you're not remembering what is meant by that? He wanted to marry young. He wanted you close. He thought he could be with you the rest of his life. & you... silly you were changing. PA school in Baton Rouge? Coming home every weeked? What happened to you? So maybe it was selfish. But you want to be a doctor. You want to travel. You want to actually maybe date somebody that you look forward to talking to. Somebody you miss when you're gone. & Someone you can share your dreams with instead of hinder them. So everytime you wonder and everytime you regret... DON'T. Pursuing happiness is not selfish.

Signed Sincerely, Me.






Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown, & Jill came tumbling after. was not worried about Jack anymore. She ran off prior to the accident to chase her dreams...

There's beauty in independence. The opportunities are endless...
I can do whatever I want. & I don't have to answer to anyone
... that is until I find someone that I WANT to answer to!